Motorcycle: Masculinity Itself

The Getting of Motorcycle Wood.

I recently acquired a motorcycle.  For those of you unfamiliar with motorcycles, they are manliness given wheels.  To ride a motorcycle is to ride masculinity itself—no homo/a little bit of homo, as the bros say.  And let me be the first to tell you that when you mount masculinity itself, scissoring its thrumming engine between your thighs, it creates, shall we say, tingles and jingles in your downstairs.  The scientific nomenclature for what occurs is called Motorcycle Wood, the cousin of the more familiar and mainstream Morning Wood.  Needless to say, when you finish a ride of masculinity itself you must tarry a bit, twiddling your thumbs, straddling your machine, and waiting until the—ahem—firewood in your pants embers out or, in other words, the Sycamore you’re smuggling is timbered by a lumberjack or, if you’re lucky enough, another jack entirely.  You see what I did there?

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with untimely bulges, let me tell you:  It is the leading cause of Hunchback-of-Notre-Dame syndrome around the world.  If you see a fella hunching his otherwise straight back, giving some sports-related excuse for the bend, know that he has a bulge that is probably largely due to either you or the intense vibrations of city buses.  Consider this my PSA of the week:  Boners happen; don’t make it weird, people.

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4 thoughts on “Motorcycle: Masculinity Itself

  1. RCbunny says:

    The motorcycle that this entry was inspired by was stolen. A new motorcycle has since taken its place. Thought my readers should know.

  2. Carmela says:

    I am a huge fan of your work! Looking into majoring in English (assuming you’re an English major as well). I would love to talk with you about all things writing and such. I don’t know if my email is included in this, but shoot me or message or reply to this and I will give you it.

    • RCbunny says:

      I am glad to hear that you enjoy the blog! How did you come across it?

      • Carmela says:

        By just browsing. The (dare I say) “quirkiness” of your writings are really attractive. Light-hearted but never too comedic or cheesy.

        How do you find your style? Do my replies include my email address? If so, contact me there. I’d love to hear more and I am sure your other followers don’t want to a string of replies between a writer and his fan!

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